Moving On
by InItForTheFame
Summary: Future Fic. What happens when the person you love moves on? Focusses on Jess, Rory and others.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note(s): - English is not my first language. But I just can't write anything decent in German. I despise the language, I hate how the words sound and feel. So, please be gentle :)  
**** - I haven't watched Gilmore Girls in a loong time. I saw a few re-runs on TV recently and thought I'd give writing a try. I used to, and I loved it, so I figured, why not. Sorry if I don't have the character down as I used to. As I said, it's been a while.  
- This story is like an introduction for another story I'm working on. I figured it was necessary to read first. I'm not too fond of posting a story and then posting how it all started. This is not Star Wars, duh.  
**

**Disclaimer: Of course, I don't own anything related to the TV series. I only own the characters that I've made up.**

* * *

_Save all your prayers,_

_I think we're lost today,_

_There's no morning after,_

_No one's around to blame_

_**In Flames – Dead End**_

He watched her sleep. Her chestnut hair covered the pillow, looking like spider legs around her head. Her eyes were closed, a little frown on her forehead. He wondered what she dreamed about.

She wore one of his t-shirts, which was too big for her and made her look even thinner. She looked fragile, with her pale skin, the big t-shirt.

He hated that he had to leave soon. He was already completely dressed and had spent the last thirty minutes watching her. He didn't know when he'd come back and he wanted to take her all in. Her smell, her body, her taste. He hated the fact they only saw each other when he was in town.

He sighted, softly stroking her cheek.

Her eyes flattered open. She looked confused, but then smiled. "You're still here."

"Disappointed?"

"Not at all," she glanced at his watch. "How much time do you have left?"

"About forty minutes."

"I'll drive you," she offered, smiling sadly.

"You gotta get to work, don't you?"

"I don't care."

"I do," he kissed her forehead "Don't get yourself in trouble over me."

Her smile got even sadder. "I miss you already."

This was just too much. He hated to leave without knowing when he was coming back. He hated to know he broke her heart every time.

"This was a beautiful weekend, you know. Just perfect."

He tried to smile. "It was."

She set up straight, crossing her legs and grabbing his hand. "Can't I just come with you? I'll look for work in New York."

"You'd have to leave your family."

"I can't leave my mother now," tears formed in her eyes. "But I can't let you leave. You don't even know when you'll be back. I don't know when I'll get to visit. This is too hard."

He cringed. Was she breaking up with him? "So...," he began, his voice weak.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I love you. But it hurts so much. When you leave … it breaks my heart. I can't move. You can't. We both just suffer."

"So this is it?"

She remained silent.

He stood up, grabbed his duffel bag and walked to the door. He turned around to see her looking away. He sighed, opened the door and left.

* * *

**Comments/reviews make my world go 'round :) **


	2. Welcome Back

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not the series, not the songs. They just inspired me. I only "own" the characters I've created. I picture Sara like the wonderful Olivia Wilde, you may know her from The O.C. and, more currently, House. Maybe a little shorter.**

* * *

_I once knew a girl_

_In the years of my youth_

_With eyes like the summer_

_All beauty and truth_

_In the morning I fled_

_**Death Cab For Cutie – Someday You Will Be Loved**_

_Even though I try_

_I can't let go_

_Something in your eyes _

_Captured my soul_

_And every night I see you in my dreams_

_You're all I know_

_I can't let go_

_[…]_

_You just walk on by_

_Don't care to see me cry_

_And here I am_

_Still holding on_

_I can't accept_

_My world is gone_

_**Mariah Carey – Can't Let Go**_

Jess Mariano groaned as he stepped out of the train. Here he was again, on his way to a town that brought him nothing but trouble. But that was all behind him, right? He was older know, more mature, not the cocky rebel he was before. Well, at least not as much.

"Jess!"

He turned, feeling someone wrapping his arms around him the next second. He stared down at the person, confused. Why did she hug him?

"Hi," he said, his voice expressing the distance and confusion he felt.

"Hey," Rory Gilmore greeted back, feeling obviously hurt by his reaction.

"Where's Luke?"

"He couldn't come, so he sent me. Well, actually, he tried to get me watch the diner but I probably would have set it on fire. You know how I am, I can't even work the coffee machine."

"Uh-huh." They had started walking. He was still confused. Not in a good way.

"You seem awkward. This isn't awkward, is it? We're older now, it's all good, isn't it? I mean... we're friends, right?"

"Uh-huh." He knew he was making her angry, but he didn't care. His thoughts were elsewhere. It had been two weeks since she broke up with him and he felt a void inside himself he never felt before. There was still some of her stuff in his apartment but he didn't dare to pack it up and send it to her. It made things final. He didn't like final.

"Hey, why are you even by yourself? Where's your girlfriend?"

He cringed. Why? "We … we're taking a break"

"Oh. Sorry." They reached her car and he put the duffel bag in the trunk, before sitting in the passenger's seat.

He shrugged. He didn't like talking with Rory about his relationships. Ever since she had visited him in Philadelphia, they had stayed in touch, calling each other frequently. But he wasn't ready to open his heart to her. Not again. He had once and she had rejected him. It still hurt, even though it was not as bad anymore.

She talked mostly during the ride, while he was staring out the window, trying to figure out what he had gotten himself into.

When they stepped into the diner, the lunch rush had just ended. Only a few people were still there, most of them he didn't know. He was glad about that. No need for everybody to see him right away.

"You're here!" Luke Danes walked up to him, shaking his hand. "Thanks."

"No big deal," Jess answered but they both knew it was a huge deal. To come back to Stars Hollow, after all that had happened meant a lot.

Luke nodded. "I really don't have that much time for the diner. All the wedding plans... It's really getting over my head, you know."

"It's okay. I needed some distraction, anyway."

"You probably wanna get settled. The apartment is all yours, I'm staying at Lorelai's."

Jess nodded and then headed upstairs. The apartment looked just like he had left it. He threw his duffel bag on his old bed and collapsed on the couch. It was too much to take in. Rory picking him up. The town. His uncle. Probably a year ago he would have jumped in circles if she had waited for him, even hugged him. But then he had met Sara. Wonderful, beautiful Sara. And for the first time, he learned what it meant to be loved back. At first it scared him. Then he embraced it. But then, she had to move. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer and Sarah had to rush to her aid. They only got to see each other a few times and for a young relationship, that was deadly.

He rummaged through his pockets for a cigarette, found it, took out his lighter and lit it. Oh, sweet, deadly nicotine. Numb the pain. Sooth the nerves. He felt himself relaxing and closed his eyes.

"Old habits never change, do they?"

He opened his eyes surprised to see Rory standing in the doorway. What, was she following him now? "Guess so."

"You were so quiet. I mean, you always are, but I always thought you talked more around me."

"Yeah. Used to."

She was obvious hurt by his statement but he was amazed at how easily she covered it up. "What's bothering you?"

"You know, I really don't feel like opening up, spilling my heart, getting it ripped out again and left behind. Kinda over it."

He knew he went too far. Tears formed in her eyes. "Well, I'm sorry, but maybe if you would have given me time to think, things would be different now!"

Bam. He stared into her eyes. He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry," he said, his voice calm now "I'm really not trying to pursue you again to run away with me. I'm not here because of that. Luke needs me. And, honestly, I can use some distraction."

"You already said that," she sat next to him. "It's just … seeing you is weird."

"Yeah, I know."

They remained silent. He threw the cigarette out the window.

"Jess?"

"Mhm?"

"Do you still … well … love me?"

He saw this one coming. It was the obvious question. Expected, even logical, to be asked. "I don't know. This isn't saying much, I know. But I haven't thought about you like that in a long time."

"Oh."

"Why, you love me out of sudden?" It sounded bitter and it was. Her rejections had hurt him.

She squirmed a little. "I don't know. I guess we have that much in common. But talking to you.. even over the phone … changed something," her voice was soft and she tried to make eye contact "I broke up with Logan."

"Good for you."

She bit her lip, nervously, waiting for him to say something. He didn't. He stared into space, not looking at her.

"Jess..."

"Rory..."

"I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry I rejected you that night, that harsh."

He shrugged. "I'd done the same thing. To be honest, I would have been horrified if you'd said yes. I wasn't expecting to be going home with you."

"Then why'd you asked?"

"I guess I would've hated myself if I didn't. Like, I wanted to try at least. I wouldn't have been able to move on otherwise."

His words hung in the air. It was an awkward situation that made the both of them uncomfortable.

"I should go. See you around." Rory almost jumped up and hurried out the door.

Sara tossed her cell phone through her room. It landed on her bed and was followed by her coat and bag. She kicked off her sneakers and changed into more comfortable clothes. Then she left her room to go into the kitchen and prepare dinner. She shot a quick look at the answering machine. Zero calls. _Fuck, _she thought but then shoved thoughts of him aside. It hurt too much.

"He called."

Sara spun around, staring at her seven year old daughter Ayn. "What?"

"Jess called. He didn't say anything, though, but somebody said his name and then he hung up."

Sara smiled sadly.

"I miss him. He always bought me ice cream in a cone. Call him," the little girl suggested.

"It's too complicated," she sighed. "How's your grandmother?"

Now it was Ayn's turn to look sad. "She slept the whole day.."

Sara fought the tears back. It killed her to see her daughter that sad. She hated that she had to pull her into this. Ayn was supposed to be happy, not sad. She hated herself for dragging her daughter along. She decided to change the subject. "I'm making mac and cheese, is that okay?"

Ayn nodded. "Yea."


	3. Back in NYC

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not the series, not the songs. They just inspired me. I only "own" the characters I've created. I picture Sara like the wonderful Olivia Wilde, you may know her from The O.C. and, more currently, House. In my mind, she's just shorter.**

**Author's Note: So, I wanna show you the Jess I've always imagined. I hope this chapter brings some light in his dark past, why he left Philly to live in NY and so on. I guess it takes place somewhere after the last season. It's about two years before the story itself.**

* * *

_I see faces and traces of home back in New York City -_

_So you think I'm a tough kid? Is that what you heard?_

_Well I like to see some action and it gets into my blood._

_The call me the trail blazer - Rael - electric razor_

_I'm the pitcher in the chain gang, we don't believe in pain_

_'cos we're only as strong, yes we're only as strong,_

_as the weakest link in the chain._

_[…]_

_You say I must be crazy, 'cos I don't care who I hit, who I hit._

_But I know it's me that's hitting out and I'm, I'm not full of shit._

_I don't care who I hurt, I don't care who I do wrong._

_This is your mess I'm stuck in, I really don't belong._

_When I take out my bottle, filled up high with gasoline,_

_You can tell by the night fires where Rael has been, has been._

_[…]_

_Your sitting in your comfort you don't believe I'm real,_

_You cannot buy protection from the way that I feel._

_Your progressive hypocrites hand out their trash,_

_But it was mine in the first place, so I'll burn it to ash._

_And I've tasted all the strongest meats,_

_And laid them down in coloured sheets (laid them down in coloured_

_sheets)._

_Who needs illusion of love and affection_

_When you're out walking the streets with your mainline connection?_

_Connection._

_As I cuddled the porcupine_

_He said I had none to blame, but me._

_Held my heart, deep in hair._

_Time to shave, shave it off, it off._

_No time for romantic escape,_

_When your fluffy heart is ready for rape. No!_

_**Genesis – Back In N.Y.C**_

Jess stared at the gray sky. The stormy wind was messing his hair up and he felt himself shiver.

It had been two days since his best friend from New York, Joey, called him. A few words had been exchanged and Jess had taken a sudden vacation from Truncheon.

Now he was waiting for Joe to pick him up from the train station. It would rain soon.

"Mariano!" A young man about his age approached Jess. He was taller, with black hair and green eyes. He was wearing green cargo pants and a leather jacket.

"Joey," Jess shook his hand.

"It's good to see you, man. I'm in some real trouble. You know I'm not playing, when I say it's real it is."

"What's up?"

They got into Joey's car. "Let's talk about this somewhere else. We gotta get you somewhere. The guys are waiting," he winked at Jess "And the girls as well."

About half an hour later they arrived at an apartment complex. It was shady, the elevator was out of use and had become a public toilet. The security's office was empty. Jess and Joey headed for the stairs. On the fourth level, they walked to an apartment and Joey let himself in.

"Welcome home!" Joey grinned.

Jess was greeted by men he hadn't seen in years but it only felt like he'd been gone for a few months. He was hugged, patted on the shoulder and every once in a while they would refer to him as the 'lost and found one'.

Those men were the closest friends he ever had in New York. And they were the reason why he was sent to Stars Hollow.

Jess knew them since Junior High and ever since had been in trouble. Drive-by's, drugs, alcohol, sex, vandalism, fights. That had been the usual course of sixteen year old Jess' weekend.

"Oh, look who's back."

Jess turned to face Rickey. Rickey was the only girl in the gang. She was thin, with long blond hair, brown eyes and a mean right hook. Despite her beautiful looks, she was aggressive, dangerous and rebellious.

But now, she smiled brightly and hugged him. "I missed you," she whispered into his ear, only for him to hear. Out loud, she said "It's been a while, huh? It's good to see you back, though."

"So, Joey, why did you bring us here?" Gil, a heavily tattooed and pierced metal head asked.

Joey clenched his fists. "There's this guy. Tommy. He used to be like us. Stealing things, drugs, alcohol, the whole deal. Then two years ago he decided to turn his shitty life around. He graduated from High School and starts working in this hospital that takes care of people without insurance. My sister Carol, y'all know her, right, she is rushed to the ER because of her appendix and the doctor's treat her real good. And then it's his shift. For whatever fucking reason he relapses, shows up stoned and she gets the wrong medicine. Before anyone notices she's dead. She's fucking nine years old, man" Joey's voice was about to crack but he took a deep breath to calm himself.

* * *

Two hours later Rickey and Jess sat on the steps to her family's house. She had just got out of a violent relationship and moved in with her parents again. They were talking about the old times and how they had changed. Jess must admit that it felt pretty good to talk somebody who knew of his past. Who didn't judge him. Whenever he had tried to open up, he had gotten rejected. In fact, he only ever opened up to Rory and her rejection had hurt enough for ten more.

"Remember that summer before you left?" Rickey said, lighting a cigarette and inhaling the nicotine. "I think that's the best summer I've ever had."

"Yeah, it was good," Jess agreed.

"Oh, no, for you it was just another summer. For me, it was _the _summer. _The _summer I lost my virginity." She grinned. "You were my first, you know."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I figured. Girls don't normally bleed out of nowhere and make that painful face when they're experienced."

"Hey, I was only fifteen, okay? I know you were the most experienced out them all and I have to admit that I had a crush on you."

"You still do," he smirked.

"Well, I guess you'll always be a cocky smart ass. You still read that much?"

Jess nodded. "I guess."

"Jess, why are you here?" Rickey suddenly asked. Her tone was serious and she looked him right in the eye. "You don't belong here anymore. You're better than us. Look at us. We're planning revenge and that's the most exciting, thrilling experience in a long time we have that's not related to drugs. And you? You own a bookstore. And don't get all defensive on me on how I know. I just do. I told Joey not to get you involved … look at who you've become. You wrote a fucking book, Jess. You have a career ahead of you. You don't need this and you know it. Why are you here?"

"I got nothing to lose."

"No, don't get all sarcastic now. You got something to lose. You got a fucking career. You got family that took you in for two years. Do you know why we're sitting on the goddamn steps? Because my mother's drugged out and my father probably fucks her right now. I sleep on a goddamn couch and they try to get me out by turning off the heating. If you're here because that bookstore is boring you, you can leave right now."

"I _got _nothing to lose," Jess' voice was cold now "I got nothing. That bookstore? The book? Who gives a fuck? I've been living a fucking lie for the past few years. I went to California, nothing. I went back to New York. Nothing. I went to Philly, started working for that bookstore and then what? I pretend to be friends with all these people and like I enjoy hanging out with them, when in truth, they don't know shit about me. I try to open up, to tell someone, and they reject me, basically saying, 'fuck off, you're not worth my time'. So, what do I got, Rickey? I got friends I don't care about, a life that I hate and who I really want fucks some rick Yale graduate. If I die, I wanna know that I did something right. And that is standing up for my friend."

Rickey didn't answer. She kept on smoking, trying to understand Jess.

"Do you know Tommy?"

"I think I saw him once or twice," she shrugged "Joey was doing so good. He was clean, sober. He was about to get a job. We all know he did it for Carol. He loved her. She would always beg him to stop doing bad things, as she put it. We didn't get to see him as often, he was trying to get away from this life," she threw the cigarette on the ground "Who could blame him? We're all looking for a reason, something that makes us change our mind. He found it. Carol. She was getting old enough to understand and he wanted her to think of him in a better way. And then he called me and told me to inform the guys and that you were coming. And that's it." she shook her head bitterly "We're gonna make that Tommy kid pay. Fucker."

* * *

A few days later, Jess and Rickey stand in line to get into a club. The others were waiting in Joey's car on the parking lot. Their mission was to lead Tommy out of the club, to the car. The rest was obvious.

Jess was chosen to find Tommy, since he hadn't been in New York a while and Tommy wouldn't know him. Rickey just tagged along, taking whatever reason she could get to dress up and be with him.

"So, what does he look like?" Jess asked.

"He's tall. He's got blue eyes, blond hair and he thinks he's Eminem. Pretty lame," Rickey shrugged. "Not really my type," she added, glancing at Jess.

He saw her glance but ignored it. They finally reached the bouncer and he let them in.

The club was about average size, not too big but not too small. It was crowded and dark, which was a good thing. They could look around for Tommy but would still go unnoticed.

"Will you dance with me?" Rickey asked.

"We're here for a reason. Maybe later." Jess answered. He felt adrenaline in his veins. The old feeling that used to push him over the edge, to go too far. He liked it. It was the perfect distraction from Rory.

"There he is," Rickey murmured. She pointed to a tall guy in Bape jeans, with a gray hoodie. "I'll go get him outside." She walked over to him and they started dancing. Jess slowly walked to the bar, constantly keeping an eye on them. Rickey was grinding on that Tommy guy, dancing in the most shameless way.

Jess chuckled. She knew how to make men crazy. He ordered a beer and kept on watching them. Everything seemed to go smoothly so he started to look around. And there she was. She was across the floor, with three girls he didn't know. She was wearing a blue strapless dress and high heels, just standing there, talking and sipping on her beer.

"Fuck", he swore under his breath. She didn't see him, she was talking, laughing, pushing streaks of her chestnut hair behind her ear. Out of all places and times, why must Rory come here? Jess thought about walking by, saying hello. But before his thoughts could expand any further he saw Rickey, who led Tommy towards the door. Jess swore again. Knowing that Rory was there made it harder for him. She could walk out, see him, get in trouble. _She could call the police on you, _he thought. Another swear and he put his beer on the counter and walked out of the club. No time to think.

Rickey and Tommy had already reached the car. Joey, Gil, CJ and Alex got out and now surrounded their victim. Jess felt the adrenaline pumping in his veins again and rushed over to them. They were behind the club where nobody could see them. The noise from the club would kill the noises Tommy made.

"Do you know me?" Joey asked, clenching his fists.

"Get out of my face, dude," Tommy replied and pointed to Rickey "Is that your bitch? Just to let you know, she wanted to fuck me. But maybe you can join."

"Bet you'd like it." without any hesitation, Joey punched him in the face.

The others went up on him as well, throwing punches, kicking him. Jess' first punch made him bleed. At the second, Tommy fell on the ground. They kept on hitting.

Suddenly, he stopped moving. Stopped groaning.

"You're killing him!" Rickey shrieked in horror, trying to pull the men away. She grabbed Jess' arm. "Stop!"

Jess froze. He could've sworn it was Rory's voice. But it was Rickey who stared at him, tears in her eyes.

"You're killing him!" she repeated.

Jess slowly turned his head to Tommy. He could see more blood than skin. Not a good sign. The man had stopped moving and groaning. Then Jess saw Joey with a baseball bat in his head.

"Fuck, stop it!" He yelled and grabbed Joey's arm. His hands were covered in blood. "This is going too far!"

"He killed my sister!" Joey hissed. "Did you fucking forget that?"

The others stared at the two of them, wondering what was going to happen next. All of them were covered in Tommy's blood.

"Yeah, so you can sue him and he'll get what he deserves. If you kill him, you'll go to jail," Jess reasoned, trying to be calm.

"Fuck you. Since when do we care about that? Get the fuck out of my face. Go back to your life and to your bookstore! You ain't like us no more!"

Jess' breathed heavily. He tried to keep himself from punching Joey in the face. "Do this and your life is over. You'll be rotting in jail," he repeated.

"I don't fucking care."

Jess let go of his best friend. He turned to Rickey, who was crying now. "Come on." He put an arm around her and led her to her car. She sat in the passenger's seat, leaning her head on Jess' shoulder. From the car, they watched as Joey raised the arm in which he was holding the baseball bat. Next thing they saw was it flying down on Tommy.

Rickey shrieked and covered her red eyes with her hands.

* * *

Jess woke up, sweating and heavily breathing. It was still dark outside. Knowing he wouldn't find any rest, he got out of bed and filled a glass with water.

He hadn't thought about it a long time. And he had never told anyone about it. Soon after the dramatic events of that night, he had moved into his apartment in New York. When he had went back to Philadelphia he didn't feel right. His friends asked what had happened, but he couldn't answer. He felt like he needed to go back to New York. And that was what he did. Went back, found a nice apartment, tried to stay in touch with the others.

But soon, Jess had to realize that they didn't want his help. Not even Rickey. Nonetheless, he had stayed. Worked at a new bookstore and when the owner died, he inherited it.

Sipping his water slowly, Jess wondered how he had found the courage to move on. His friends, that's what he still called them, were still stuck in that same old world. He wasn't. He was helping his uncle. He was dating a wonderful woman. Or so he had thought. He wished that Sara would come through the door now, asking him what was wrong and why he was standing in the small kitchen and sweating at 2 am.

That was the moment Jess Mariano realized that he was in love with Sara. And that wouldn't change too soon.

* * *

Love it? Hate it?

*cues Janet Jackson* I'm gonna feedback, feedback :D

xoxo


End file.
